From Wicca to Christ
I made up my mind to convert to liturgical Christianity, because I had always found the ritual interesting, though I had always thought that Church was boring. After I had my daughter, I had my true conversion, because I saw how much God loves us when I looked at my daughter. I understood how much we hurt the father that loves us sooo much, when we sin.
And now that I have converted and am doing my best to stay away from sin and follow Christ, my life has never been better. With Wicca, it is frustrating trying to control every little detail to your life with spells. With Christ, it is so-oo wonderful to know that I don't have to worry, because he loves me and won't let anything that I can't handle happen to me.
I was raised by my mother and step father who were more intrested in themselves and partying than in raising a child. I am not whining or throwing blame. This is how I came to Wicca.
Without any religious guidance from them, and my whole world in chaos due to the fact that I didn't have a good relationship with ither of my parents, I was secluded from the world and I read alot. I especially liked fantasy books, with wizards and dragons and the like, and the idea of being able to use magic to control things was very appealing to me. In hindsight, it only makes sence that I would want to control the avalanche of chaos going on around me. I hung out with the unpopular kids in school, and like me they also felt varying degrees of rejection from the world around them. (Well, we wore all black and smoked, too. I guess that could have had something to do with the rejection. No one had explained to me the social values to the "When in Rome..." principle)
Which, by the way, led me down a path of sin that was very difficult to navigate! I shacked up with a boy for 8 years, which was a hurtful relationship, by both parties. It seemed that "drama" followed us where ever we went. He liked this girl, wanted to leave me, then he wanted me back, on and off for 8 years.
Meanwhile, I only hung around because I was sleeping with him and didn't know anything else.( Abstinance is not for prudes. It is the best thing that you can do for yourself to protect your heart and soul. It seems like I teach at the school of hard knocks! )
During that 8 years, I drank, smoked, hung out with people that did drugs and could have hurt me but I had no clue. I thought "the more, the merrier" and thankfully, nothing happened. It's funny, I thought that I was being a good person for letting people stay at my house. I would have been a good person if I had helped them put their lives together, not just enable them. (Not all of those people were bad, by the way. Some of them are still my friends today) I had people living with me and my boyfriend that I was attracted to, and vice versa for my boyfriend. Alot of these people were Wiccans, too and they all had their own issues like I did.
Meanwhile, I discovered how hollow a religion Wicca was when I began to listen to a radio program called "The Dr. Laura Slessinger Show" .
At first, I HATED that show. I mean, how DARE that woman suggest that women cannot choose to terminate their babies! After all, I probably would have if I had gotten pregnant about 2 years earlier when I was suicidal due to an episode that happened that I am still not comfortable talking about. And why should women stay at home and grovel on their knees in front of their male keepers? I demasculated my boyfriend over and over again with no thought given to it! Then, the woman's logic finally won out. Thank heaven I wasn't a liberal that was immune to logic!!!!
Well, I have all of this logic now, but where does that leave Wicca?
Wiccans believe that if it feels good do it, just don't hurt anyone. Where does that leave unborn babies? Wicca is full of pro-choice women, but now I believed that life begins at conception, the only thing that is different from a fertilized egg and a baby is precious time and nutrition.
What about the rally cry of feminism that I practiced not even thinking about it? I mean, Wicca has a feminist sect called the Dianic Tradition! Would my new found belief that men want to be loved and respected and the way to do that is to let them be the man in the relationship be accepted by the rest of my fellow Wiccans? Not readily.
And then there is the absolute show stopper: What about my new belief that sex outside of marriage does hurt the people in the relationship?
Wicca is often hijacked by people that just want to have orgies and not feel guilty about it. Why, the first ritual that I participated in I had to do naked to prove how sincere I was about joining!
While all of these beliefs were solidifying in my brain, I began to find Wicca lacking. I found my whole life lacking. I was in a loveless relationship with a guy I was with because i trapped myself in a relationship due to sex outside of marraige, and the hole in my soul was finally empty, now that all of the false things that I had put there to fill it had been brought to light.
It was during this time, I met my future husband. I knew he was the one that I should be with when we began to talk. Not wanting to cheat on my boyfriend, before I even knew if my future husband liked me in the way that I liked him, I decided to change my life.
After 3 months of dating, my husband gave me an engagement ring and we were married a week later. I just knew he was the one that I was to be with. I knew that we were literally made for each other. And, not long after that I found myself pregnant with my first baby, but had not yet converted to anything.
I couldn't have been more mistaken.
The Holy Spirit came upon me in those classes, revealing God's truth to me in ways that I could see. Through my daughter, mostly. I could understand why God wants what he wants for us because I want the same from my daughter. And the love that I feel from God now, sometimes, it fills my heart and I feel like it is going to burst out of my chest.
It is wonderful how God gives you those soul hugs only if you ask for them. I was fortunate that The Passion of the Christ came out while I was in the initiation class. Seeing with my own eyes the visible extent of Christ's love for me leaves me speechless, choked up and with a lump in my throat. It is amazing to me that I denied myself this kind of love for soo long, thinking that I, I a 20 something girl had the whole universe figured out.
I have converted wholly, heart and soul to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. God will find his children and rejoice when they return (or find) him! All we have to do is shut our self rightous mouths long enough to hear him!
I hope that you made it though my testimony. Thank you so much for this opportunity to remember my journey. Helps me to remember what roads not to go down again!
Take care and God Bless!